I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
