Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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