Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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