Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
