saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
