I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
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