Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
