Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
