The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
