i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
