he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
