508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize