Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
