JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
