i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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