i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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