How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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