I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Randomize
