Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
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Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
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After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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