hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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