wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
