As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
