The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
