Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
