The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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