It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
