if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
