he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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