I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
