My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
