No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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