dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
So many bounce houses so little time
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
