i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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