Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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