it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
