If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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