You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
