I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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