At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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