Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
