Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Hippo gnu deer
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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