That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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