I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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