You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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