i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
