At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
