I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Boobs speak an international language.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
