Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
