I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
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Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
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