Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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