She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
