That's intense
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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