I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
the liver wants what the liver wants
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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