My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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