I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
