I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
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stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
How did I end up in the pool?!
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It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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