i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
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i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
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just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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