U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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