There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Randomize
