she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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